


Gratitude

by yungidreamer



Series: Yungi Soulmates [7]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Families of Choice, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Loss of Parent(s), Love, M/M, Multi, Romance, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26253913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yungidreamer/pseuds/yungidreamer
Summary: When everyone has to head home for Thanksgiving, they end up reconnecting with an old friend, San, who gets invited to her family dinner. She gets a reminder of the important things in life and extends a hand to a friend who needs it most.
Relationships: Choi San/Reader, Jeong Yunho/Reader, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Song Mingi/Reader
Series: Yungi Soulmates [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898728
Kudos: 9





	Gratitude

Their first semester seemed to be passing like a flash and suddenly it was time to head home for the long Thanksgiving weekend holiday. She, Yunho, and Mingi all had to go home and spend some ‘quality time’ with their families...whether they wanted to or not. Yunho, the only one of them with a car, happily drove them all back home, enjoying those last few moments together before they would have to spend days apart, hiding themselves again.

They all stopped by her place first, dropping her off and taking a quick trip inside to say hello to her family. Everyone was so glad to see them and hear about how things were going for them. Her mother invited them in, hugging both the boys and commenting on just how wonderful and grown up they were looking.

“You’ve both cut your hair!” Her mother commented upon first laying eyes on them. “Come here and let me have a look.” Both boys stepped inside allowing her to get a better look at them and give them some warm parental fawning. “Oh, you look so handsome.”

“Thank you,” Mingi said, grinning from ear to ear at the compliment.

“You two are going to have to beat all the girls off with sticks if you keep getting more and more handsome,” Her mother teased. “Have any of you picked up any girlfriends or anything?”

“Mom,” she cut in with a warning in her tone.

“What?” Her mother asked, giving her wide, innocent eyes. “A mother can be curious, can’t she? They are practically like sons to me, anyway. They are grown boys and it would be perfectly normal for them to be getting girlfriends...or boyfriends, I suppose, if they wanted.”

“MOM!” She gave her mother wide eyes, internally and externally cringing.

“Hush,” her mother patted her daughter’s shoulder and turned back to the boys.

“No, we don’t have girlfriends,” Yunho snickered, finally giving her a response.

“Well, or boyfriends,” Mingi added, his eyes sparkling with laughter at their girlfriend’s horror at her mother’s probing questions.

“I don’t know how you haven’t been snatched up,” Her mother gave the two boys appreciative smiles. “You are both so sweet and so handsome.”

“They spend too much time with our daughter, that’s how,” her father grumbled behind them.

“Oh hush,” her mother shushed him and their daughter physically cringed and rolled her eyes.

“We’ll see you on Sunday,” Yunho said, drawing her into a quick hug.

“Good luck,” Mingi followed up, also giving her a quick hug. “We can talk later.”

“Bye,” she let him go and walked both of them to the door. “I’ll message when I can.”

“Happy Thanksgiving!” Both of the boys wished her family as they slipped out the door.

“Our poor girl,” Yunho snickered as they headed back to the car. “She is going to have fun this weekend.”

“Yeah, like she is the only one,” Mingi said glumly. 

“Yeah, I know,” Yunho put an arm around his shoulder. “It’s just a few days.” Mingi nodded glumly. Four days of having to listen to his dad pick at him. He wasn’t looking forward to it.

***

“Welcome home my dear,” Mingi’s mother greeted as he came through the door. “My, aren’t you looking different.”

“Yeah I cut my hair,” Mingi nodded. “What do you think?”

“Well, if you like it, that’s good, but at least we know that hair grows back,” His mother gave him a wan smile, patting his hand gently. “How has school been?”

“Fine,” Mingi shrugged, moving towards his room to put his bag there and out of the way.

“Good,” she nodded, moving back to the chair that she had been sitting in when he arrived. “Are your friends doing well?”

“Yeah they are good.” He replied, moving to stand beside her.

“Well, is there anything new you want to tell me?” She asked, struggling slightly to find something to find to talk to him about.

“Not really much to say,” Mingi shifted on his feet. “Things are good. Ummm, we made some friends. My grades should be okay…”

“I’m glad,” she smiled and glanced at her watch. “Your father will be home later. We’ll have dinner when he gets here.”

“Okay,” he acknowledged, walking back to his room to hang out by himself as long as he could.

***

“Hey mom, I’m home,” Yunho called as he came through the door.

“Oh welcome back,” She rushed to hug him. “Have you grown? And what did you do to your hair?”

“Do you not like it?” He ran his fingers through it shyly.

“No, no,” She shook her head and smiled. “It’s just such a change. My word, how grown up you look, my love.”

“Thanks, mom,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around him. “How have you been doing?” 

“Oh, you know how it is,” she smiled at him brightly. “Life just goes on. Nothing really exciting. But I have missed seeing your face.”

“I missed you, too,” he admitted.

“How are your friends doing?” she asked, pulling back and taking him to sit with her on the couch. “Are they doing alright in school? Is there anyone new I should know about?”

“Mingi is good,” he responded. “He cut his hair too, dyed as well. He looks really good. You’d like it.”

“Do you think he’d have time to come by over the holiday?” She asked cheerily. “I’d love to see him and what about her? Could they both come by?”

“Maybe,” Yunho leaned his head against the back of the couch as he faced her. “I can ask them, at least.”

“Please do,” she patted his knee. “How about her? Is she doing alright?”

“Oh yeah,” he nodded. “She’s so smart mom, she’s been helping some of our new friends with classes, even some that are older.”

“Have...have you thought about asking her out, honey?” His mother ventured. “I know you’ve been just friends for a really long time now, but you just light up when you talk about her.”

“I mean, both she and Mingi are my best friends, mom,” he gave her a smile. “They both make me happy; my life is better with both of them. I don’t need to date her for her to make me happier.”

“I know,” she chuckled. “I just...I never see you as happy as you are around her...or both of them. I guess you could ask Mingi out, but I don’t think you want to marry into that family.” Her mouth narrowed as she thought about the few times she had met his parents.

“I don’t need to ask him out either, though,” he laughed, taking her hand and bouncing it in his own. “The way things are now I get to spend a lot of time with both of them which makes me happy.”

“It’s just something to think about,” she gave him a wistful smile. “Things change and...just don’t let go of the people that make you happy.”

“I won’t, mama,” he promised.

***

“What do you mean we are going to have a ‘special guest’ for Thanksgiving dinner,” Jacob, her younger brother, said over dinner that night.

“Just that,” her father said with clipped tones. “Sweetie, you remember San, you two went to school together and he also was at camp with you that last year.”

“Yeah…” she looked at him suspiciously, a bite of food half way to her mouth when he addressed her.

“Well his family is out of the country at the moment so they asked if we could host him over the holiday weekend,” Her father explained.

“Wait, why does she get to have a friend over for the holiday when Mike can’t come over to play this weekend?” Jacob protested.

“I’m not having a friend over,” she sighed, letting the bite of food drop back to her plate.

“You may not have invited him,” her father gave her a pointed look. “But you will be nice to him, and you will help make him feel included and hang out with him. He certainly isn’t going to feel like hanging out with a 14 year old or an old man...so just be nice.”

“What makes you think he wants to hang out with me any more than he wants to hang out with the rest of you?” She asked, rubbing her temples with her fingers. “I barely talked to him outside of class, as far as I know, we have literally nothing in common.”

“He’s in college studying psychology now according to his dad,” Her father replied confidently. “You’ve been doing well in that class from what I hear, so I am sure you can find something to talk about.”

“I’m...I’m taking philosophy, dad, not psychology…” she looked at her dad like he had grown a second head. Sometimes he was just...insufferable.

“Close enough,” he sighed. “You will be a good host.”

“Maybe you could take him to hang out with the boys a little over the holiday,” her mother suggested. “Then all of you can get a little peace with people your own age.”

“Good idea,” her father agreed. “He probably knows them from camp. It would probably be nice for him to be able to catch up with them, too.”

“I will ask,” she said firmly. “But I can’t make promises on their behalf.”

“Fine, I can accept that,” her father allowed. “Thanksgiving dinner is tomorrow but you can take him to hang out with your friend Friday or Saturday if they are free.”

“Sure,” she sighed and gave him her best smile despite her frustration. It was then that she remembered that San had been there that night at summer camp. He had seen her kiss Mingi...he had seen Yunho and Mingi kiss... _ fuck _ … This was just going to be the best Thanksgiving ever.

***

😻: Guys...are you there?

(Yunho) 👱: What’s up?

(Mingi) 🐰: Yeah

😻: Do you guys remember San, by chance?

(Yunho) 👱: The guy in my cabin at camp?

😻: Okay so that is a yes, then. Well he’s coming to Thanksgiving at my house and my dad is making me entertain him.

(Mingi) 🐰: Isn’t that the guy that wanted to kiss you?

😻: Yeah, yeah… He went to Thomas with me too. Anyway, dad said we could all hang out together if you guys are free. Feel free to say no. I have no idea what he is like these days and I can take a few days of playing hostess...but it’s a reason to get out of the house if you want it.

(Yunho) 👱: Why don’t all of you come over to my place? Mom wanted to be able to see you guys.

😻: I don’t know… He saw you guys kiss that night at camp and...Let’s just make sure he isn’t an asshole these days before we do that.

(Mingi) 🐰: You going to be okay?

😻: I’m fine, it’s just so typical of my dad to volunteer me for something like this without asking first. Jacob is acting like I am getting this super awesome oldest sibling privilege when I would much rather spend this whole weekend reading in my room when I don’t have to be at the table with everyone.

(Yunho) 👱: Poor kid, there is probably nothing he would rather do than hang out with people his own age.

😻: I know...and trust me, if I could convince my dad to let him sleep over the whole weekend at one of his friends’ places, I totally would, but ‘it’s ‘family time’...except when it's not.

(Mingi) 🐰: Our poor girl. Don’t worry, we’ll come save you soon.

😻: I’m fine, you don’t need to save me. I’ve got to go to sleep, have to be up early to help with the cooking. Love you guys.

(Mingi) 🐰: I wish I was there

(Yunho) 👱: Same. I never sleep as well without you to with me

😻: Ugh, the minute we get home I am going to spend hours doing unspeakable things to both of you.

(Yunho) 👱: Promise?

(Mingi) 🐰: Can I use the satin handcuffs on you this time?

(Yunho) 👱: Ohhhh, good idea. She hasn’t gotten them used on her yet…

😻: You two are terrible...but promise?

(Mingi) 🐰: Cross my heart...we will fuck you senseless.

😻: Something I can look forward to at least. Good night…

(Yunho) 👱: Love you

(Mingi) 🐰: XOXOXO

***

“Sweetie, can you take these to the table for me?” Her mother said as she passed her a basket of biscuits wrapped in a towel. She nodded, taking them and headed into the dining room. The table was already laden with tons of food that would no doubt last them for days. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, green beans, mac and cheese, and half a dozen little sides that only a person or two really wanted. She could already feel the extra kilo or two she was going to take back home with her.

At two a knock sounded at the door and her father sent her to answer the door, knowing exactly who was on the other side. She sighed and walked to the door putting on her best friendly smile as she approached. The door opened to reveal San, standing awkwardly on the other side. He seemed to be as unsure whether he belonged there as she was to have to play host to him.

“Hey,” she greeted, moving aside to let him in. 

“Happy Thanksgiving,” He greeted as he removed his coat to reveal a lovely grey button-up sweater over a plain white undershirt. It went well with his black jeans and dress shoes, giving him a casual air while still being well dressed enough for a holiday dinner. Hanging up his coat on the rack near the door, he turned and opened his arms to give her a quick embrace, patting her back a couple of times before letting her go.

“It’s nice to see you again,” He commented.

“It’s been a while,” she admitted. He looked older than she remembered. His black hair was long but perfectly styled and cut, hanging perfectly from a slightly off center part. It was dark and glossy and full, perfectly cut to frame his angular features. “You look good.”

“You, too,” San gave her a laugh and a dimpled grin. She escorted him into the dining room where her brother and mother were already seated. Her mother immediately stood up to greet San with a warm hug and flood of comments and compliments for the boy.

“Here, sit, sit; we are almost ready to eat,” her mother insisted.

“Is there anything I can help with?” He asked, standing near his seat but not taking it yet.

“No no,” she waved towards his chair. “We are just waiting for the turkey, which is being carved as we speak. Please sit down.” San nodded and took his seat, scooting in and putting his napkin on his lap. 

Her father came in, plate laden with cuts of the massive turkey they spent hours cooking and basting. She had to admit it looked really good. He placed it in the only empty space that had been left on the table, filling it to the nines now. He rubbed his hands together and declared the meal done and ready to be eaten.

Everyone served themselves, passing dishes over and across as each person took what and how much of whatever they wanted. She was actually surprised at how calm and genial everyone was at the table. Even her little brother managed to participate in the conversation cheerfully. She actually had to wonder what her parents had promised him to get this result. Either way, she was grateful and it was the nicest meal she had had with her family in years.

When everyone was full they took a break, packing away the food and shoving it wherever it would fit in the refrigerator. Dessert would come later...maybe much later...after the food comas had passed. San happily helped out in the kitchen, volunteering to hand wash the fancy holiday dishes her family only pulled out for occasions like this. She volunteered to help dry, keeping San company as they quietly finished the work.

“Thanks for all your help guys,” Her mother told them, coming up behind them as they did the last of the dishes. “Why don’t you two go and hang out. San is our guest, so let’s make sure he has some fun.”

“Sure,” She nodded, drying her hands on the towel before hanging it up on the hook near the sink. “Do you want to watch something? I also have a switch…” she paused, wracking her brain to try and think of something fun he could do.”

“We can just hang out,” San shrugged. “Want to go for a walk? We did just eat a lot of food. I think I’d feel better if I got in a little physical activity in today.”

“Yeah, sure, we can do that,” She agreed. “Let me just go get a sweatshirt or something. I’ll meet you at the door.” San nodded, heading towards the door while she headed up to her room to grab something warm. When she came back down, dressed in her favorite hoodie, she found him already shoed and dressed in his coat by the front door. She tucked her cell phone into her pocket, threw her coat and rain boots on and stepped out the front door with him.

“So...which way,” she asked when they hit the end of the driveway.

“Is there anything interesting one way or another?” He asked, looking to the right and then to the left.

“Uhhh, not really…” she shrugged. “It’s basically all suburban sprawl. There is a park down that way eventually, I guess.”

“That’s as good a reason to go that way as any,” San agreed with a smile, taking a step or two in that direction and waiting for her to join him. She jogged up to his side and they set off vaguely in the direction of the park.

“So...it’s been a while hasn’t it,” she started as the silence stretched.

“Yeah,” he threw her a smile. “How...how have you been?”

“Me?” Somehow she was startled by the question. “Oh...well...good.” She floundered, looking for an answer beyond that. “I mean, nothing exciting has been going on with me. What about you?”

“I’m good, considering…” he shrugged, turning his eyes ahead.

“Considering?” She repeated, but as a question.

“You didn’t hear,” He blinked at her. “I figured...I mean, I guess I really never mattered much to you.”

“I…” she looked at him and swallowed past an uncomfortable feeling settling in her stomach. “We never really talked or anything. We didn’t really have anything in common.”

“I liked you, you liked you; we had that in common,” he laughed.

“You did not,” she scoffed.

“Yeah, I did,” he gave a single barking laugh. “But you never really noticed. It’s okay.”

“Sorry,” she straightened up. “But that isn’t what you meant when you said considering.”

“No,” he admitted. “Mom died not long after graduation.”

“What?” She stopped in her tracks, looking at him with wide eyes.

“Yeah,” he turned back to face her. “It was a car accident. It happened over the summer so most of my friends were gone doing their own things, getting ready to go off to college. So was I. It’s just...there wasn’t really anyone around when it happened. And dad didn’t really handle it well.”

“I’m so sorry,” she took a step to him, putting a hand on his arm. “I really didn’t hear about it. We weren’t close or anything but I would have...I don’t know, I would have been around if I knew.”

“It’s okay,” he shrugged.

“Here.” They were close to the park already so she took his arm, looping hers in through his and guiding him down the block and a half to the half hidden park, tucked back in behind a long line of houses. She led them to a bench tucked in along one side, located beneath an old tree largely denuded of its summer leaves, left looking craggy and half dead. They sat down and turned to face each other, one leg lifted onto the bench to make it easier. 

“What happened,” she asked, giving him all her attention.

“A drunk driver hit her when she was on her way home from work,” San looked down at his hands. “They said it was almost instant, so she didn’t suffer at least.”

“That… that’s something at least, I guess.” She agreed carefully.

“But dad sort of,” he paused, sniffling and wiping his cheek of the tear that had escaped. “He always counted on her and they really loved each other. You know they met in college? He asked her to marry him after three weeks.”

“I didn’t know, but that is super sweet,” She gave him a sad smile. “I can’t imagine losing someone like that.” Her mind turned to Mingi and Yunho and she had an urge to call them both, tell them she loved them, just because you never know. She could do that later. San was here and he clearly needed someone to care about him, too.

“I think losing her has broken him,” he gave her a pained look. “I know he loved her and he lost his wife, but I lost my mom and it's like he doesn’t care what it did to me.”

“I’m so sorry,” she leaned forward to take his hand and he leaned in and pulled her into a rub crushing hug. She held him back, wrapping her arms around his neck as quiet tears slid down his face. Much as she bitched about her parents, how they poked her about her life and her choices, trying to guide her down the path they wanted for her, she knew they did it because they cared. They were invested in her being happy, and, while they might not always be right about what would be good for her, their hearts were in the right place. Sometimes she wanted them to understand that her choices could be different and valid, but she never doubted that they would do anything they could to help her. She was never alone in the world. She never would be.

They sat there like that for who knows how long, but as the streetlight came to life, buzzing as their sodium orange lights flickered on, they decided they needed to head back. San wiped his face and pulled himself back together. The walk was quiet but San felt like a weight had been pulled off his shoulders. He hooked an arm around hers as they walked, flashing her a warm smile as they made their way back.

By the time they got back, deserts were on everyone’s minds. They had baked four pies, giving everyone something they loved. San took a slice of pecan pie and she had some cherry, promising to come back for some of the pumpkin when the idea of having more food didn’t make her nauseous. Her dad and brother had some of the apple and it struck her that they really were so similar. It was probably why they snipped at each other all the time. They even made the same  _ yum yum _ face when they took the first bite. She tried to imagine her dad just checking out and not caring about them if something happened to her mom and...she couldn’t. He was more likely to throw himself into knowing every detail of his kids lives in an effort to forget his pain; if he couldn’t live for him, he could live for them. She was sure that is what he would do.

“Thanks, dad,” She said, giving him a hug from behind as she put her plate near the sink for him to rinse and put in the dishwasher

“Your mom made the pies,” he laughed. “You should thank her.”

“I know and I didn’t just mean the pies,” she shook her head and smiled. “Just in general.”

“Well you’re welcome in general, then,” He leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

“I’m gonna take San up to my room to watch a movie if that’s okay,” she told him. 

“Yeah that sounds good,” her father agreed. “You should make up the guest room for him first though so he has a place to sleep.”

“Okay, will do,” she agreed. Picking up San on the way, she headed upstairs to the linen closet to get sheets for the bed in the spare room.

“Green or flowers?” She asked, staring at the options.

“Flowers,” he replied tentatively as he looked at the pile of linens.

“Good choice,” she confirmed. “They are the softer ones.” Pulling the set of flat and fitted sheets out of the pile, she also grabbed a couple of pillowcases and headed with him to the room next to hers. It was small and usually used as an at home office by her dad when he needed to get a little work done over the weekend. The couch was really a daybed that folded out into a pretty comfortable twin bed. It didn’t take long to pull it out and put the sheets on it and, job done, they headed into her room to put a movie on.

“While you choose something to watch, do mind if I make a call?” She asked, moving a little back to the doorway, planning to go to the bathroom for some privacy.

“No that’s okay,” he gave her a nod and turned his attention to the list of movies on the screen.

“I’ll be right back,” she dipped out of the room to the nearby bathroom and pulled out her phone. She dialed Mingi first. He answered on the first ring, obviously waiting for her to call.

“Hey, love,” his deep voice was quiet but warm on the other side of the phone. “How was dinner?”

“It was good really,” she gave a giggle. “San should come to dinner more often. Everyone was nice and we managed the whole thing without bitching and moaning.”

“Wow, that must have been nice,” there was a smile in his voice as he said it. “I’m glad it went okay. How has it been having him there?”

“He’s really nice actually,” she told him honestly. “He’s kind of having a hard time, but...I am actually wishing we had been better friends in high school maybe. I don’t know.”

“Yeah?” Mingi asked quietly.

“Yeah,” she confirmed. “I can’t really talk long but is it okay for you to come hang out with us all tomorrow or something?”

“I’ll come hang out,” he said flatly. “My dad doesn’t really like it but…”

“But he never likes anything that you do, anyway,” she filled in for him.

“Yeah,” he sounded tired.

“I love you,” she said softly.

“Love you, too,” he sighed. “I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

“Sleep well, okay?” She told him softly.

“Yeah, you too,” He agreed. “Good night and I’ll message you before I go to sleep.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “I’m gonna call Yunho. Don’t forget to call him, too.”

“We already talked,” he replied.

“I must be late today,” she laughed, accustomed to reminding him to do it when she called him.

“Nah, it was just a long day,” he said tightly.

“I’m sorry love,” she wished she could hug him.

“It’s okay,” he said gently. “I’m just glad to hear your voice. Dream of me?”

“Always,” she promised. “Night.”

“Night,” he responded before hanging up and she had to take a minute before pulling up Yunho’s info to call him. Being home was never easy for Mingi and she wished she could change that but...there was nothing she could do.

“Babe,” Yunho’s sunny voice sounded out of the phone’s speaker, dancing happily in her ear.

“Hi, sweetheart,” she greeted back, her heart warming. “Mingi said you two already talked.”

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “I wish his dad wasn’t such an asshole.”

“God, don’t we all,” she gave a rueful laugh. “Our poor baby.”

“Anyway, how have things been for you?” He transitioned their conversation to her. “Was dinner okay?”

“Yeah, everyone was on their best behavior,” she chuckled. “San has been a good influence on the holiday.”

“Yeah, he’s nice to have around?” Yunho tried to keep his voice light, but he still wasn’t sure how he felt about the boy being there.

“He’s been really nice actually,” she told him honestly. “He’s had it hard lately and...I think I want to be a better friend to him.”

“You thinking of adopting the lost puppy,” he teased.

“Maybe,” she smiled as she answered. “You can see him tomorrow. He’s….he’s a nice guy who sort of needs people right now.”

“My girl has such a big heart,” he admired warmly. “You okay otherwise?”

“Yeah I am doing fine,” she confirmed. “But I miss you two.”

“I never sleep well without you anymore,” he sighed. “My arms are lonely without you in them.”

“I wish we were back home,” she commiserated. “But at least I get to see you tomorrow.”

“I wish I could kiss you,” he groaned. “Fuck, I hate having to hide again.”

“Me too,” she sighed, wishing they were all together. “I have to go though. San is waiting on me. We’re gonna watch a movie.”

“Yeah?” Yunho cleared his throat. “Tell him to keep his hands to himself.”

“Jealous?” She laughed, amused by his reaction. “I doubt you have much to worry about.”

“You know he liked you back then?” He scoffed. “It was one of the reasons he was so eager to go to that thing Laci organized at camp; he was hoping it was his chance.”

“Honey, it’s also been a long time since then,” she pointed out. “A crush years ago doesn’t mean he is still carrying a torch for me.”

“Yeah, but maybe he is,” he gave an impatient sigh.

“And even if he is,” she shrugged. “He’s out of luck since I am already madly in love with a couple of pretty amazing guys.”

“Promise?” Yunho fished for reassurance.

“Do you need to hear me say it?” She teased him with a grin.

“Always,” he said more honestly than she was expecting.

“Love you, my beautiful blond hunk,” she said softly, half teasing but still completely earnestly.

“I love you, too,” Yunho sounded relieved to hear the words and to let them come out of his mouth as well.

“I’ll message you when San goes to bed, but sleep well and I’ll see you tomorrow,” she knew she needed to get back, even if there was nothing she would rather be doing than talking to her boys.

“I’ll pick you up in the afternoon,” he promised. “Sleep well.”

“Night,” she said finally before taking the phone away from her ear and ending the call. Opening the door, she startled, nearly dropping her phone when she found San leaning on the wall next to the bathroom door. He had obviously been listening to her talk but she didn’t know for how long or why.

“Jesus, you scared the crap out of me,” she clutched her phone to her chest as he straightened up.

“Sorry I…” San shrugged. “It seemed to be taking a little while for you to come back so I was going to go to the bathroom. I didn’t mean to listen, I just…”

“Come here,” she pulled him back into her room and closed the door. She pushed him further into the room before letting him go with a sigh. “I don’t know what you think you heard…”

“You’re seeing someone,” San shrugged. “It’s okay. I was sort of hoping you maybe weren’t but it’s okay.”

“I’m not—“ she started, a pit of worry building in her stomach.

“The thing I don’t get,” he continued over her. “Is why you’re hiding it.”

“Like I said,” she tried to cover. “I’m not seeing someone.”

“Then you are way closer to your friends than I’ve ever been with mine,” he gave a sad sort of scoff. “Another reason I wish I had managed to...get closer to you.”

“I think you just misunderstood,” she tried to correct him, gently.

“Which one is it?” He asked her, taking a seat on the end of the bed, looking up at her through the fringe of his hair that had fallen onto his forehead.

“What?” She asked, not following.

“Is it Yunho or Mingi?” He flat out asked.

“Why would you think—“

“They’re the ones we’re hanging out with tomorrow, right?” San pointed out.  _ Shit. _ She stood a moment and tried to think of something, some explanation that would suffice but nothing was coming. “If I promise not to say anything. Will you just tell me the truth?”

“I…” she started. “It’s not just my secret, you know.”

“I guess,” he shrugged and looked down at his hands. “Maybe I should just head to bed.”

“Wait,” she grabbed his hand as he tried to make his way past her. “Why are you here for the holiday and not with your dad?”

“He didn’t want to be home so he took an assignment for work,” he answered flatly. “He didn’t want to be with me.”

“I can’t answer your questions today, but,” she pulled him over towards the bed. “I’d like to watch the movie with you.”

“You don’t have to,” he pulled at his wrist and gave her a small, sad smile. “I can just go to bed.”

“I mean it,” she insisted. “We don’t have to watch a movie either, but...maybe we could talk?”

“About what?” He asked, giving up on going but just standing there while she held his wrist.

“I’d like to know what else is going on with you,” she tried. “Did you go to school somewhere? What are you doing these days? I...well, you know, the stuff you do when you’re friends.”

“You don’t have to pretend,” he patted her hand and shrugged before trying to leave again.

“No pretending,” she held him tighter, moving further on the bed and inviting him to join her. “I want to be friends.” As she moved back to lean against the pillows on the headboard, he crawled up after her, sitting himself on his heels near the edge of the bed.

“Why?” Was all he could ask.

“Because you’re nice, because you need someone, because maybe we should have been friends a while ago,” she shrugged and patted the space beside her. He took the offer, laying down and curling up in the space beside her on the bed.

“I wish you had just kissed me that night at camp,” he admitted quietly. “Then maybe I wouldn’t have been alone all this time.” She patted his shoulder comfortingly and let the silence stretch for a few minutes before she started asking him about his life again. They talked for hours and she learned more about him in that time than she had in the years she had sort of known him before. They talked until they fell asleep, sprawled over the covers, fully dressed. 

Her father came to check on them before he went to bed and found them that way. He knew what San had been through, having been friends with his father for many years at this point, not close, but close enough to know how he was and what had been happening. It was why he had invited him to come for the holiday. He knew the kid needed friends and...much as he might complain about how close she was to those two boys, he knew they were all good people and that they had been the sort of friends he had always wanted her to have. He still didn’t get them, but they loved her and he knew they would be there for her. San needed some people like that in his life. She had done exactly what he had hoped. He quietly closed the door, letting them sleep; something he was sure San needed more than anything.

***

Yunho arrived the next day with Mingi in tow after lunch. They briefly came in, greeting her parents and catching up a little before taking her and San back out with them. Yunho took the wheel and Mingi called shotgun, jogging back to the car with a laugh, leaving San and her in the spacious back seat.

“Can I ask who you’re dating now?” San asked from the backseat as they pulled out of the neighborhood.

“Sorry, what?” Yunho said from the front seat, trying to see him through the rear view mirror as he drove.

“It’s complicated, San,” she said softly from the back seat. Mingi whipped around in his seat to look at both of them, trying to read their faces.

“Your parents seem to like them both,” he shrugged. “I just wonder why you don’t want them to know.”

“Why do you care?” Mingi asked, eyes narrowing at the boy in the back seat.

“I guess I don’t, sorry,” San shifted in his seat and turned to look out the window. An uncomfortable silence settled in the car and Yunho drove. They hadn’t decided on a place to go and now he wasn’t sure how to ask so they drove. He turned on the radio and concentrated on the road because anything else was making him break out in a clammy sweat.

“I’m thirsty,” she finally said from the back seat. “Let’s go to Sonic and get something. San did you want something? My treat…”

“I’m fine,” he shrugged, not taking his eyes from the window.

“San,” she reached across the space between them and took his hand. “Do you want to hear about what happened at camp?”

“What do you mean?” He finally turned away from the window, twisting his head to actually look at her.

“Just...I could never choose between them,” she replied ambiguously.

“I don’t know what that means,” he admitted, slightly frustrated by her answer but not pulling away. Last night had been the first time in a long time that he had felt like someone cared, like someone was listening to what he was going through. He wanted to believe it was something. Something more than just some kindness for a few hours. Something more than just being polite. Something more than pity.

“Let’s get something to drink, maybe a snack, and we can all talk,” she suggested, sending a look to Mingi in his seat and then Yunho through the mirror. Yunho nodded, he trusted her, more than anything, he trusted her. Mingi did too, after seeing Yunho make the leap. San kept a loose grip on her hand as they lapsed back into a silence, but at least it was one that was less fraught.

They pulled into one of the spaces towards the back, organizing their order before hitting the little red call button. She got her favorites, a strawberry limeade and tater tots with cheese; Yunho got a burger, onion rings, and a cherry coke; Mingi ordered a banana split and a breakfast toaster sandwich; San finally agreed to a chocolate shake and an order of mozzarella sticks. They all pulled out the cash they had on them, roughly paying for their own portions without worrying too much about getting it exact. When the carhop had dropped off their food, they passed around the food and rolled up the windows, leaving them in a quiet little world all to themselves.

“Remember that night at camp, when we all met up after dark?” She asked San as she picked at her food.

“Vividly,” San couldn’t help but laugh at himself.

“Just so you know, we didn’t ‘get lucky’ that night,” she sent him a look, remembering his comment as they had walked away. “But we did decide it was worth figuring out what we had.”

“And what did you have?” San locked eyes with her as he took a sip of his drink.

“Friendship,” she started, thinking back to all the times she had with Mingi and Yunho that were pure happiness. “Love, humor, companionship, and eventually...intimacy. I meant it when I said I couldn’t choose one and when I said I wasn’t dating one of them. We’re all together.”

“Like...they take turns?” San tried to reason. “You go out with one and then the other?”

“More like we do everything together,” she clarified. “All of us.”

“Even…” he pointed between Mingi and Yunho in the front seat who were watching but keeping their mouths occupied with food.

“Even them, sometimes even just the two of them,” she shrugged.

“That’s the part your parents wouldn’t understand,” San nodded, finally understanding. “I won’t judge and I won’t say anything.” He chuckled slightly and cast a wistful smile at her. “I guess I never really had a chance in this little circle.”

“We always have enough space for a friend,” she offered.

“Yeah?” He asked, this time looking to the boys in the front seat for confirmation. They both nodded, giving him full cheeked smiles. “I could really use some friends right now.” Tears prickled in the backs of his eyes. For the first time in what felt like forever he felt like someone wanted him around.

“You know,” she pointed out. “Your school is only about an hour away from us. You could always come and see us on weekends if you want.”

“You wouldn’t mind having me around sometimes?” San reached out for her hand again.

“It would be nice to be friends if all this doesn’t bother you,” she took his hand.

“You guys are so lucky you found each other,” San sniffled and smiled. “Everyone just disappeared after we graduated and then...now dad doesn’t even want to be around me.”

“I’m sure it’s just that he is hurting,” she assured San, pulling him into a comforting hug. “Someday he’ll come to his senses and he will regret how he’s reacted. Until then, we’re your family. I expect to hear from you all the time. I want to know everything.”

“Things are looking up,” San admitted, turning to offer Mingi a smile, who had reached over the seat to offer him a comforting pat.

“Have you gone to see your mom recently?” She asked him gently. He shook his head. “If you want to we can all go see her together?”

“Can we get some flowers to take?” San requested, giving her a squeeze.

“Yeah,” She turned to Yunho. “They should have some in the hospital gift shop actually.” Yunho gave her an acknowledging nod and started the car.

***

They all walked together through the graveyard, navigating the wide stony paths to the small area near the artificial lake toward one side. They found her grave, the dirt still only sparsely covered with brown grass that hadn’t even had a full season to grow. Her headstone was a pristine stretch of concrete grey stone much like those on the graves surrounding it. 

_ Amy Choi, Beloved Wife and Mother. _

“If anyone had told me, I would have been here,” Yunho put a hand on San’s shoulder as he stood at the side of the grave.

“It feels like she died and no one noticed,” San murmured, putting a hand over Yunho’s.

“I’m so sorry you were alone,” she handed him the flowers for the grave.

“You won’t be alone now,” Mingi assured him, standing nearby.

“Hey mom,” San began. “It’s been a while. I’m sorry I haven’t come to see you in a while. I guess I’ve been kind of busy and dad...he doesn’t like remembering. But you don’t have to worry about me.

“These are my friends from camp, do you remember them? I don’t know if you do, but they wanted to come see you, too. I’m going to try and come see you more and I’ll make sure Dad is okay. He misses you a lot. I do, too.”

He put the flowers down in the vase attached to the headstone, wiping away the silent tears that streaked his cheeks. Yunho drew him into a hug and Mingi joined him from the other side while she held one of his hands. Together they stood in the cool, crisp fall air and let San mourn the loss of the life he thought he had six months ago. Mourn the mother that never came home and the dad he was still waiting for. Things would never go back to how they were, but he didn’t feel like he was alone in a world that had forgotten him.

***

“You guys sure you don’t mind taking him back to school on your way?” Her dad asked as they all packed up to head back to school at the end of the weekend.

“Nah, it's practically on the way and we have space,” she shrugged, giving a reassuring smile to San behind her father.

“Just drive carefully,” Her father gave her a hug, pulling her coat around her shoulders so it sat nicely.

“Thanks for worrying,” She smiled up at him and gave him a peck on the cheek. “See you at Christmas. Oh, can San come over for Christmas dinner too?”

“Of course, if he doesn’t have somewhere else he has to be.” Her father felt pride bloom in his chest. He really was proud of who his daughter was growing up to be.

“Okay, say bye to Mom for me,” she told him as she picked up her bags. “Bye bro. Good luck with school and stuff.” She headed out the door and headed to where Yunho was waiting near the trunk of his car, Mingi standing beside him.

“Thanks for the invite to spend the holiday with you and your family, sir,” San extended a hand to him. 

Her father pushed past it to hug the boy. “I’m glad you could come and I meant it about Christmas. We always have room for you here.”

“Thank you,” San patted the back of the man, grateful he and his family were a part of his life.

“Don’t keep them waiting,” Her father pulled back and gave San a solid pat on the shoulder. “Keep up with your classes and all. Don’t do anything stupid, okay.”

“Yes, sir,” He promised, shrugging on his coat.

***

That night, when she was safely tucked in between the two people she couldn’t live without, she felt a wave of gratitude for everything she had. Her family, her friends, her loves; she was incredibly lucky and she promised herself that she would remember that more.  _ I love you _ she whispered into the dark. Only snores and slow breaths came in response from either of the boys, both long since asleep, but the way their warm arms encircled her and their legs tangled over her, it was more eloquent than words. She sighed happily and snuggled more deeply under the covers, closing her eyes, she let sleep take her.


End file.
